Parshat Vayasheiv & Fighting for Equality

Parshat Vayasheiv is one full of drama, jealousy, deceit, and desire.

The Summary

At the beginning of the parshat Joseph is clearly his father’s favorite son. His 10 older brothers are not pleased.

Joseph begins to have dreams and tells his brother of these dreams. “There we were binding sheaves in the field, when suddenly my sheaf stood up and remained upright; then your sheaves gathered around and bowed low to my sheaf.”. His brothers, were very angry thinking that Joseph wanted to rule over them all!

“Look, I have had another dream: And this time, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” Even his father said: “Are we to come, I and your mother and your brothers, and bow low to you to the ground?” His brothers were very angry.

Joseph followed his brothers to Dorthan, and the brothers upon seeing him plotted Joseph’s death. Reuben (the eldest) convinced the others not to kill him, but to cast him into a pit in the wilderness. Later Judah, another brother, convinced the other brothers to sell Joseph to the Ishmaelites as a slave. They dipped his colorful tunic in blood and presented it to their father who recognized it, saw the blood, and “realized” his son had been devoured by a beast!

Later Judah, that same brother that sold Joseph, marries a Canaanite named Shua. Together they have three sons, Er, Onan, and Shelah. When Er was of age, Judah got him a wife- Tamar. Unfortunately Er died before producing a son. In order to keep the family line, it’s tradition that if the a husband dies before producing a son, the next brother shall impregnate the widow and produce a son for the instead for that brother. Judah instructed his second son, Onan, to produce a son with Tamar upon Er’s passing. Onan, knowing the offspring would be his brother’s, let his seed go to waste when lying with Tamar. G-d was displeased and took his life.

Judah then promised Tamar his youngest son, Shelah, when he grew up, so Tamar waited. But Shelah grew up, and Tamar was still not given to him as his wife.

Tamar removed her widow’s garb, covered her face with a veil, and sat down the the entrance to Enaim, for she knew Judah would be there. When Judah saw her, he took her for a prostitute as she had covered her face. He propositioned this harlot for a good time offering her a kid from his flock. She convinced him to leave her with collateral until she received her goat. He did, leaving his seal, cord, and staff. They slept together, and unbeknownst to Judah, she was impregnated.

Later, Judah finds out that his daughter-in-law, Tamar, has dressed up as a harlot to some man and become impregnated. He demands she be burned. Tamar presents his seal, cord, and staff, saying “I am with child by the man to whom these belong.”

Judah conceded saying “She is more in the right than I, inasmuch as I did not give her to my son Shelah.”

To contrast this story, Joseph (the brother sold into slavery), is found at his master, Potiphar’s, home. Joseph is described as extremely handsome and charismatic and thus Potiphar’s wife tries to seduce Joseph into sleeping with her. Joseph rejects her, she accuses him of trying to rape her, and has him sent to prison.

Joseph gains the trust and admiration of his jailers, who appoint him to a position of authority in the prison administration. In prison, Pharaoh’s baker and butler have vivid dreams, and Joseph interprets them telling them in three days, the butler will be released and the baker hanged. Both predictions are fulfilled, but the Butler forgets about Joseph and does not intercede on Joseph’s behalf with the Pharaoh as promised.

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Okay. So that’s a lot of Parsha! There are many themes throughout this parshat that people like to speak on including, Suspicion and hostility among children, assuming responsibility for what we promise, anger management, loyalty and success, or even dreams. But I’m going to grasp onto one of the smaller parts of the story... Tamar’s story.

In biblical times, a woman whose husband died childless would marry his brother in order to give her late husband an heir within the family line. This is the law of Yibbum, which is what Tamar had in mind in when she remained a widow, waiting to marry Shelah, her father-in-law Judah’s third son. When Judah withheld Shelah, he denied her the only honorable recourse that a woman had during that time, when her self-worth and economic security were completely dependent on her having a husband and a child.*

Oh no! We are having a talk about women’s rights! Well not just women’s rights... Tamar, a nice young Jewish girl, thinks that she just won the jackpot. A husband! A home! Security! And all that just for being sold from a father to a husband. Whoo hooo! Life is great. Tamar, does her duty, but had no son. And then her husband Er dies. Her security, her self-worth. She may have even loved the man- we don’t know! “Okay- we are okay. Er has a younger brother Onan, and according to the law we get a second chance at security with him.” But then Onan, being selfish, knowing that any son he produces with Tamar would be declared his older brother’s heir, decides instead to waste his seed and refuses to have a son with Tamar. G-d is angry. Tamar is probably angry too. G-d takes his life.

So imagine this. You are now a double widow. You have no financial worth, no security, no son, and no way to gain any of those things on your own terms. You're only worth is your ability to make babies. Your father-in-law steps in and promises you his third son once he is old enough. You just have to wait. So you wait.

And wait.

And wait. Only to find out that in that waiting he has become old enough! What are these men thinking?!?! We don’t want to be trapped in our father’s house with no home of our own, no husband, no children, no rights forever. Our entire life is dependent on the choices of these men.

Enough is enough. Tamar takes her life into her own hands. This is a big deal. Nice Jewish girls don’t do that! You do what your father, your brother, your husband tell you to. But Tamar had chutzpah and knew that in order to have a change in her situation she’d have to take drastic measures. She sleeps with her father-in-law Judah, and claims her financial security.

As a society we have come a long way from these extreme laws, but not as far socially as we’d expect. Everyone knows about the wage gap. Everyone knows that if you have a white male sounding name, your are much more likely to get a job interview. Everyone knows about locker room talk, rape culture, and harassment that doesn’t just happen on a daily basis but on an hourly one. Contrary to what is sometimes perceived, feminism isn’t about female rights. It’s about equality for everyone. It’s about giving every person the power to stand up when they see a wrong, no matter who the victim is- male, female, black, white, asian, hispanic, christian, jewish, muslim, short, tall, young, old, gay, straight, or anything in between. It should be in fact called, equalityism.

Remember that back in this time a woman’s societal worth was completely dependent on her husband. Tamar didn’t have rights over anything, not even herself. Tamar had no choice but to turn to prostitution to save herself. People today still have to do that. Some do it just to feed their families. When Judah’s second son Onan refuses to provide for Tamar, G-d takes his life. Some interpret this as punishment for Onan not holding up his duty, but Gd is also standing up for Tamar here! Through many stories in the Torah, we too are told to stand up and fight for the rights of everyone around us. But it’s hard.

Just this morning I saw a video on facebook where this older white woman was berating this hispanic woman in front of her. Apparently the hispanic woman joined her friend in a checkout line after grabbing a few last minute items, and then purchased them directly following her friend. She cut the line, but let’s be real- we have all had someone hold our spot in line, while we go grab an extra kit-kat. Either way, like the elderly lady, I would have been annoyed too. I might have even said- hey! What are you doing? I have things to do, places to go. Or I would have grumbled and let it go. But she was infuriated. She told this woman to go back where she came from, yelling racist insulting things then entire time she was checking out. The camera’s point of view is from the back of the line. There are at least five other people there, and no one, not one person, said anything.

Usually the kind of racist, sexist, and any other kind of -ist, we view is not quite as in your face. It’s quiet observations your brain makes, it’s what isn’t said in a conversation. Look around this room. Everyone here is white. That isn’t terribly odd in a Jewish congregation given history and the evolution throughout time. But when’s the last time you heard a racist comment towards someone that was black? Did you say anything? (No, it’s not my place) But it is.

As Jews, we are the “chosen people”. But being chosen is a burden. We are supposed to stand up for the rights of others. When you hear locker room talk- maybe speak up and say it isn’t cool to speak about other humans that way. When you see someone discriminating against someone else because of their heritage, speak up. When you see a female name, a black name, a ethinic name on a resume that comes across your desk, give them an extra few seconds because you know they have fought twice as hard just to get their paper there.

This parsha doesn’t make me feel bad for Judah who is stuck with the burden of his daughter-in-law Tamar. It makes me want to stand up for Tamar. It makes me want to say she’s a person too, and it’s not right that she has no choice but to depend on you for her safety.

Tomorrow evening begins Hanukkah and shortly after that we enter 2017. Many people take this time to make new year’s resolutions. Why not make a conscious choice to stand up for others this year. There is a lot of turmoil in both this country and this world politically, socially, and economically. Whatever your views on any subject, let’s make a resolution to try and stand up for the rights of everyone. Every color, every race, every religion, ever sexual preference, every age, and every sex.

The store the hispanic woman was in was a JC Pennys. JC Penny’s in now trying the find the woman to officially apologize and reimburse her for her purchases. The mall the holds that JC Penny’s is trying to identify the racist woman and permanently banning her from their premises. They are both taking a stand. They are both taking risks to say, “this is wrong and unacceptable”.

One more thing. A lot of things that my generation tend to have problems with, and older generations tend to shrug off with “that’s just how things are” can and should be addressed. In the words of my soul mate Cinderella. “Just because it’s what is done, doesn’t mean it is what should be done.”

I wish you all a wonderful Hanukkah season, full of peace, joy, and family. And hope that next year we will all be a little better, a little stronger, and a little braver to stand up for our equalityism.

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* This explanatory paragraph was taken from: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/tamar-the-sex-trade/

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